There's just too many things coming all at once
Ambitions. I lacked em since young. I never knew what I was gonna do. I mean, I always have those fantasies that don't last long.
Cartoon animator.
Architect.
Entrepreneur.
Pilot.
Architect again.
Web designer.
Now it's with journalism/photojournalism.
Not sure if this is gonna be another one o those shortlived fantasies again. And I can't risk it anymore. I'm 20 already. Picking my path already.
Now I'm enrolled into nus fass. Reapplication window opening soon already, don't know if I'm gonna change my application or stay with it. I may regret. Doing either one, noone knows.
And this is just one of the problems bugging me. Now, please understand and don't blame if I start smoking. It's just one of em rough patches in life.
And I suck at this cat and ball game. I'm just like tossing the whole ball of yarn to you all the time. Oh well, not something new ainnit. Happens all the time. I've gotten used to this shit anyway.
And family problems piling up as well. Mom admitted she's tired of working 362 days a year 24/7 and earning not even 2k a month. Mentioned smth about wanting me to start working and enter the society asap so that I can start providing and she can finally retire.
Granddad's condition not in the very best, now I may not seem like I care much, but I do in fact. I may not really like him, but what I'm worried about is how Ahma will react, how my mom and aunts will react. How ahma will live all alone in that flat of hers. Ah unimaginable. We'll just wait till the time comes.
All these and now facing the risk of getting hooked in cigarettes. Now everytime I walk past a mama shop or 7-11 I have this internal struggle with myself whether or not to part with that $10 to harm my own body for that few minutes of feel-good relaxation. Now I understand what they mean by getting hooked on smoking. I thought I was strong-enough. I thought i could control. Damn.
All these and a lot more personal problems. I need a stick. Now. Please understand and forgive
