shit happens.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
I promise to depart, just promise one thing,
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.
Beautiful song with a beautiful prelude lol.
Beautiful song with a beautiful prelude lol.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
'Cause even when I dream of you,
The sweetest dream would never do.
I'd still miss you babe.
(And I missed every fucking thing)
I don't understand why it came back.
Ohwells, seems like I've settled for this lowish NS life.
Hahaa at least I've been putting my spare time to use. In fact, I feel glad now that I'm posted here. All this spare time is really proving useful.
To read up on whatever choice I made, and still having enough time to make another decision on University applications;
Reading up on music theory, this time a proper one, so that I can utilise them properly when fondling my wifey;
Picking up Spanish so that I can watch Spanish streaming soccer when I cannot find any English streams(a joke, really);
Anyways, finally get 2230 book-ins and 1730 book-outs. It's pretty jolly, and I have no need to rush home by cab anymore. Uber costly.
I'd still miss you babe.
(And I missed every fucking thing)
I don't understand why it came back.
Ohwells, seems like I've settled for this lowish NS life.
Hahaa at least I've been putting my spare time to use. In fact, I feel glad now that I'm posted here. All this spare time is really proving useful.
To read up on whatever choice I made, and still having enough time to make another decision on University applications;
Reading up on music theory, this time a proper one, so that I can utilise them properly when fondling my wifey;
Picking up Spanish so that I can watch Spanish streaming soccer when I cannot find any English streams(a joke, really);
Anyways, finally get 2230 book-ins and 1730 book-outs. It's pretty jolly, and I have no need to rush home by cab anymore. Uber costly.
Friday, September 11, 2009
And here I am,
posted officially to 30SCE/HQ, out of Alpha.
Yknow the feeling you get when you spend a good 3 months with this bunch of people,
whom you may think are just a bunch of real suckers at the start,
but slowly realising how cool they really are,
and how they might actually be your future bestest buds,
and how you want to spend more time together with them 'cus you can feel that he's gna be the next person you can call brutha.
And suddenly it all just ends there. You get separated out, all alone, seeing how they are able to continue their journey together as a bunch of bros. While you, are just alone now, having to restart everything, meeting new people,
and trying to develop that feeling all over again.
I hated it when we got separated from my first 3 months class. And now again.
HQ, has its (little bit of)benefits though.
A typical HQ schedule :
0630 Wake-up
0700 Breakfast
0700-0930 Sleep
0930-1130 Office
1130-1330 Lunch + Sleep
1330-1700 Office
1700-0630(next day) SLEEP
Everyone here is NUA.
Okay I get to book out early,
I get lots of free time,
I get lots of privileges now(PSP, charger, iPod, civilian book-in, 1700 book out, 2230 book-ins),
but so what if I'm doing all these alone.
Over at alpha, whenever I see them chiongsua, and afterwards bitching about how their day went, how this this this sergeant kaopeh kaopeh, I get so jealous. and nostalgic. and sad, in fact.
Over here there's no chiongsua, no sergeant, no nothing.
Nothing to talk about.
"and since you got so much time on your hands, and complaining about how you have no friends over here, why not just spend the time making new friends?"
Yeah right, try doing so when >half of the people are stay out due to either some fcked up reason or some chaokeng reason. the other half are some no-lifers who glue their eyes to their PSPs like there's no other meaning to life.
I really do not want to see myself slowly turning into those kind of people in another 17months.
They say NS changes boys to men.
They say you find your bestest buds in NS.
When you're not doing admin stuffs like these.
I see no evidence of that change happening here. In this place. Where no evolution of boys to men are noticed. Where no brotherhood is formed. Where no bunch of men have fun, going through thick and thin together.
Even today went I had an off pass to go out for an appointment.
Whenever my doct asks me whether I want an MC for the day, I would reply no almost immediately.
Why get an MC and risk all the RT shit when it's kinda awesome spending time in camp, talking cock with your bestest buds of the moment?
Like the other day brandon told me;
'whenever i go for an appointment i also would come back rather early. cus its boring all alone outside, and it's cool spending time with you guys anyway. at least i dont feel so empty and lost'
oh wells, I took an MC for today, and I said a YES almost immediately when my doct asked that golden question.
It's totally meaningless in camp nowadays.
Or maybe I just need to adjust. Fast.
Oh fuck. Seriously.
Yknow the feeling you get when you spend a good 3 months with this bunch of people,
whom you may think are just a bunch of real suckers at the start,
but slowly realising how cool they really are,
and how they might actually be your future bestest buds,
and how you want to spend more time together with them 'cus you can feel that he's gna be the next person you can call brutha.
And suddenly it all just ends there. You get separated out, all alone, seeing how they are able to continue their journey together as a bunch of bros. While you, are just alone now, having to restart everything, meeting new people,
and trying to develop that feeling all over again.
I hated it when we got separated from my first 3 months class. And now again.
HQ, has its (little bit of)benefits though.
A typical HQ schedule :
0630 Wake-up
0700 Breakfast
0700-0930 Sleep
0930-1130 Office
1130-1330 Lunch + Sleep
1330-1700 Office
1700-0630(next day) SLEEP
Everyone here is NUA.
Okay I get to book out early,
I get lots of free time,
I get lots of privileges now(PSP, charger, iPod, civilian book-in, 1700 book out, 2230 book-ins),
but so what if I'm doing all these alone.
Over at alpha, whenever I see them chiongsua, and afterwards bitching about how their day went, how this this this sergeant kaopeh kaopeh, I get so jealous. and nostalgic. and sad, in fact.
Over here there's no chiongsua, no sergeant, no nothing.
Nothing to talk about.
"and since you got so much time on your hands, and complaining about how you have no friends over here, why not just spend the time making new friends?"
Yeah right, try doing so when >half of the people are stay out due to either some fcked up reason or some chaokeng reason. the other half are some no-lifers who glue their eyes to their PSPs like there's no other meaning to life.
I really do not want to see myself slowly turning into those kind of people in another 17months.
They say NS changes boys to men.
They say you find your bestest buds in NS.
When you're not doing admin stuffs like these.
I see no evidence of that change happening here. In this place. Where no evolution of boys to men are noticed. Where no brotherhood is formed. Where no bunch of men have fun, going through thick and thin together.
Even today went I had an off pass to go out for an appointment.
Whenever my doct asks me whether I want an MC for the day, I would reply no almost immediately.
Why get an MC and risk all the RT shit when it's kinda awesome spending time in camp, talking cock with your bestest buds of the moment?
Like the other day brandon told me;
'whenever i go for an appointment i also would come back rather early. cus its boring all alone outside, and it's cool spending time with you guys anyway. at least i dont feel so empty and lost'
oh wells, I took an MC for today, and I said a YES almost immediately when my doct asked that golden question.
It's totally meaningless in camp nowadays.
Or maybe I just need to adjust. Fast.
Oh fuck. Seriously.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
I guess nobody knows/
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.
What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
I's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Open your eyes and look outside, find a reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
Like I mentioned,
quiet times alone -> thoughts gushing through mind -> too much thoughts flipping through -> emo.
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.
What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
I's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Open your eyes and look outside, find a reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
Like I mentioned,
quiet times alone -> thoughts gushing through mind -> too much thoughts flipping through -> emo.
Friday, September 4, 2009
I'm totally sure shit happens.
Bookout today wasn't smooth as expected.
During area cleaning I acidentally cut my fingers on the fan. Now all's left working on my left hand is my thumb and little pinky. Just when I told I could come home and play some bass, I can't now. I thought I could come back and play some dota, I can't now. I thought I could come back and shoot some ass in FallOut, I can't now. ):
And I cabbed home alone today, and well done, PIE traffic jam. Took some time to exit from PIE asap, and uncle took a detour to AYE->ECP. He charged me $25 only though, instead of the $32.60 on the meter, saying how it's partially his fault for not turning on the radio and listening to the traffic watch. Very nice uncle I see, and really grateful.
Anyways, another week flew/crawled past like that. Sometimes it's pretty fast, sometimes it's just pretty much at snail's pace. Still not able to find out whether I'm downgraded already, due the countless human/technical errors I've been meeting along this path towards enlightenment. LOL
I don't give a hoot about how people think about me now anyways. I've been given an Excuse prolonged exposure to sunlight status by my specialist, but what I used to do was to stay in the hot sun anyways, and until the sergeant tells me to proceed to she shelter, Ill then (sometimes) move to the shade, most of the time I'll just tell him it's alright and I'll just stay in the sun since everyone else was doing it. Partially it was because I was afraid how people will label me as a chaokeng, even sunlight also wanna avoid.
Now, I've thought through it anyways. I deserve that status, I'm on medication, and it's my own health issue. Why should I care about how people think, how people label me. To hell with those black pots, trying to paint me black.
During area cleaning I acidentally cut my fingers on the fan. Now all's left working on my left hand is my thumb and little pinky. Just when I told I could come home and play some bass, I can't now. I thought I could come back and play some dota, I can't now. I thought I could come back and shoot some ass in FallOut, I can't now. ):
And I cabbed home alone today, and well done, PIE traffic jam. Took some time to exit from PIE asap, and uncle took a detour to AYE->ECP. He charged me $25 only though, instead of the $32.60 on the meter, saying how it's partially his fault for not turning on the radio and listening to the traffic watch. Very nice uncle I see, and really grateful.
Anyways, another week flew/crawled past like that. Sometimes it's pretty fast, sometimes it's just pretty much at snail's pace. Still not able to find out whether I'm downgraded already, due the countless human/technical errors I've been meeting along this path towards enlightenment. LOL
I don't give a hoot about how people think about me now anyways. I've been given an Excuse prolonged exposure to sunlight status by my specialist, but what I used to do was to stay in the hot sun anyways, and until the sergeant tells me to proceed to she shelter, Ill then (sometimes) move to the shade, most of the time I'll just tell him it's alright and I'll just stay in the sun since everyone else was doing it. Partially it was because I was afraid how people will label me as a chaokeng, even sunlight also wanna avoid.
Now, I've thought through it anyways. I deserve that status, I'm on medication, and it's my own health issue. Why should I care about how people think, how people label me. To hell with those black pots, trying to paint me black.
