It has been long since I have sat down here, thinking about stuffs.
Ytd talked to ww about some regrets and undoubtedly my greatest regret would have been the crazy game addiction through secondary and JC years.



I didn't study,
I didn't have a mouth then,
I didn't get the results I wanted,
I didn't do many other things.
I was so fcking tied down.

Go out? nah play game.
Outings? nah play game.
Tests? nah play game.
Exams? nah play game.
Olevel? nah play game.
Alevel? nah play game.


I'm really glad I broke out of it anyways.
To think during JC times when I talked to liptat about it,
'eh dude my mom always say I have this crazy addiction, and I thought about it, maybe we are seriously hooked leh'

'no lah shouldn't be lah, we not that hiong also'

'but lip, we're like going to lan everyday during study period. that ain't hooked?'

'urm, shouldn't be yet lah haha'

'yah lor i think so too, lan? lets roll!'

And now whenever I hear people say they're studying reallyreally hard,
I get envious (really I do),
cus I've never ever had that feeling before,
of studying so hard so hard.

Oh god,
I desperately want to get my results.
And I want to cry out damn loud on that day.
Hopefully not of regret but cus I managed to pull a houdini,
and get at least decent results in spite of my ignorance.
Maybe fcking lousy results would do as well, then I'll actually learn from this fcking big mistake.

Reading through my past posts during prelims/alevels period.
I felt like a fcking kid.



  ¶ 11:43